Your Senses Are Talking

By Gayle North

“I just don't see what you have to complain about!”  “You never hug and kiss me!”  “I brought you flowers the other day!”  “Yeah – you just put them on the table and left them for me – you couldn’t even hand them to me!  “I wanted to surprise you – you are never satisfied – I give up!”

If you are set up to prefer predominantly visual experience and your spouse is highly kinesthetic, it may seem like you communicate on different frequencies – and in fact you do!  It isn’t that the couple having this dialogue lack love for each other – they lack the knowledge about how each processes gestures of love.

We all use all of our senses in communication.   From birth and maybe even in the womb, we begin experiencing the world with our senses of sight, sound, feeling, taste, and smell.  It is now believed that most of us gravitate to one type of sensory experience over the others.   That sensory preference begins to show up in our learning strategies, how we express and receive love, and it also stimulates our interests in hobbies and careers.

Are you set up to be more Visual, Auditory, or Kinesthetic?    How would you know?  I have a Sensory Reference Quiz that I give to clients.  I will be happy to send you one if you write or call me.  You can also get some good clues by noticing how you talk and relate to things. 

Visual people say:

   I see what you mean.

   It looks to me like ….

   From my point of view ….

   I talked till I was blue in the face.

   It seems crystal clear to me.

People with a visual sensory preference usually have higher pitched voices, speak more quickly, gesture with their arms and hands a lot and react more intensely to visual stimuli.  Their brain receives messages of being loved through visual cues.  A highly visual person likes the colors and design in clothing and home décor to be harmonious.  They notice how their mate looks.  The visual person appreciates neatness in a partner and feels pleased when people and things around them look good.

Auditory people say:

   That sounds ok to me.

   Do you hear want I mean?

   I’ll keep my ear to the ground.

   That doesn’t ring true to me.

   That clicks.

   Can we talk?

   It was like a dripping faucet.

People with a predominant auditory preference will usually have moderately pitched voices and speak rhythmically, sometimes cup their ear or cock their head to one side and react more intensely to auditory stimuli. Spoken expressions of love and other auditory cues like romantic music give their brain a feeling of being loved and appreciated. 

Kinesthetic people say:

   That doesn’t feel right to me.

   I have a gut feeling …

   Spare me from the jolting headlines …

   He is moving at a snail’s pace.

   Let’s hammer out a plan.

   That fits into my plans ok.

Highly kinesthetic people usually have low pitched voices and speak slowly and their words may seem to flow out. They usually like to work with their hands and are good at mechanical projects, building, etc.  They like space in their home and their furniture must feel comfortable. Kinesthetic people must have the physical touch of their mate to feel loved.

Match the sensory verbal expressions and word preferences of the person you are communicating with.  You will get your ideas across more easily as you use their sensory dictionary which allows you to speak in their language.

Tell your mate what you need in order to feel loved.  If you don’t, you will likely receive love in their sensory love language instead of yours.  Try expressing your love to your mate using their sensory preference language, rather than yours, and you may be astounded at how good it makes them feel and how much more enjoyable your relationship becomes.

Gayle North  offers Personal Coaching for Positive Change using recently developed empowerment technologies to clear mental and emotional blocks that keep people stuck in unhealthy habits and prevent them from performing at their highest potential  in school, sports, relationships, work and finance. Call 406-837-1214 to learn how you can STOP SMOKING IN ONE HOUR and for coaching in person or by phone.

changeiseasy@montanasky.net                  www.PositiveChangeInstitute.com