Questions Are the Answer - Part 2

By Gayle North

 "Always the more beautiful answer is to who asks the more beautiful question."

                        -E. E. Cummings

"Why Not Ask WHY??"           

"Why am I so depressed?" "Why can't I ever succeed?" "Why do I lose my temper?" "Why do I feel so stressed out?" "Why can't I get to sleep easier?" "Why did I let myself gain all of this weight?" "Why can't I do better in math?" "Why me Lord?"

In my work as a personal coach, I find that most of my clients have been asking themselves questions similar to these.  If you stop and think about it, you may be asking yourself similar "WHY Questions" from time to time.

One of the first things I ask my clients to do is to eliminate the word "WHY" in relation to their own moods and behaviors and those of others as well.

WHY?

WHY questions are extremely useful in some disciplines like science.  The "why" question assumes a direct cause and effect.   Following the chain from cause to effect can lead to new discoveries.  Rules and patterns can be discovered and that is what science is all about. 

However, when it comes to personal improvement and making positive personal changes, the WHY question directs the thinking to memories, to our personal story, and forces the brain to come up with something – anything to answer the question. 

For instance; if you focus on a question like, "WHY can't I succeed?" you will get an answer even if your brain has to make one up! It might even come up with an answer like, "Because you're so stupid," or "Because you don't deserve it."   The underlying theme of the WHY question is "What's wrong with me?" – and the answers we come up with usually sink us deeper into the mood or the problem.

We have been programmed to think we must know the cause of a problem to solve it.  And the presupposition here is that understanding the cause will solve the problem.  We have the idea that discovering the cause is curative.  This is one of the big lies that causes much human misery in our society.

Consider this for a moment.  As you are driving to a dinner party, a tire goes flat.  You could ask, "WHY is the tire flat?"  Will the answer to that question get you to the party?  Of course not.  So let's ask a different question.  Let's ask "What are we going to do about the flat tire?" In this case the WHAT question will generate ideas about how to fix the flat so that you can get to the party.  We don't have to know why the tire went flat to take corrective action. 

The truth is that, in most cases, we don't have to understand the cause to make a positive change.  Focusing on brilliant, effective questions facilitates our changes and creates more success in every area of life – without having to know the cause of the current condition.

Part III of this series will focus on how to formulate brilliant and effective questions that facilitate positive change and the achievement of more happiness, success, and joy.

Gayle North  offers Personal Coaching for Positive Change using recently developed empowerment technologies to clear mental and emotional blocks that keep people stuck in unhealthy habits and prevent them from performing at their highest potential  in school, sports, relationships, work and finance. Call 406-837-1214 to learn how you can STOP SMOKING IN ONE HOUR and for coaching in person or by phone.

changeiseasy@montanasky.net                  www.PositiveChangeInstitute.com